When Your Partner Doesn't Want To Talk About His/ Her Feelings

We all want someone who is always going to be there for us, not just physically or financially but also emotionally. Its hard enough just finding someone who is honest and single today and now also having to deal with people who just use excuses to hide their feelings can also be just as overwhelming.

 Have you been in a relationship where your partner doesn't open up about their emotions the same way you do? And they make you feel like you need to work hard to keep them talking ?And when you push harder they become OFFENSIVE then am afraid you just got yourself  an emotionally unavailable partner.

Who is an emotionally unavailable person?

An emotionally unavailable person  is someone who isn't able or isn't willing to be there emotionally. They shrink away when it comes to arguments or just talks of expressing ones feelings. 

Of course there are people who are just slow at opening up but they will eventually open up but with emotionally unavailable people , they just wont open up, no matter how much you scream or cry or beg. 

Its so frustrating because you think ,Why cant everyone just open up and talk abut their feelings? Its the easiest thing to do but we all just love a little drama ,don't we? We want to drown ourselves in our own trauma and bring others down with us.NO BIG DEAL . 

Being with a partner who isn't ready to open up is hard but at the same time it doesn't mean that they are bad, it just means that they are struggling with a past event that they haven't fully dealt with. The most important requirement in a good relation is the ability to communicate and share feelings, nonetheless the relationship will fail. And being with someone who is completely cut off can be a major warning sign.

How do you know your partner is emotionally unavailable?

1. They don't want to talk about topics that make them vulnerable.

I mean being vulnerable means you have to talk about the deep stuff, and none of these conversations are easy for anyone but avoiding to talk about it, doesn't make the problem go away. They give vague responses and laugh or make jokes rather than talk about a serious topic. This is a mechanism that most people use to hide their emotions.

2. They are not affectionate. We all want someone whos a bit affectionate, or at least make the effort to either receive or give. They have a difficult time showing their affections or receiving them as well. this means that they do not recognize the little efforts you do for them to show them that you love them.

3. They misunderstand everything. They become very offensive if you talk to them about their behavior. And furthermore, they do not realize that they have been distant emotionally and so when you bring this issue up, they feel offended.

4. They pull away. Once they feel like you nagging them to talk about their emotions, they start to pull away and hide in their own emotions. As they pull away, they make sure you feel like its your fault, that the reason you guys are pulling away, is because you are too persistent and intense.

5. They'd rather be physical than emotional. This helps to avoid the seriousness and intensity of feelings.

 Sometimes, things aren't just as black and white as we wish them to be. There's a reason why someone is the person they are today. there's a reason why someone decides put a wall up , TO PUT UP A BARRIER and the reality of this is that the barrier is either meant to KEEP SOMETHING OUT OR TO KEEP SOMETHING IN. Try to understand why your partner is emotionally unavailable before you try any ideas like changing them, or loving them unconditionally till they love you back the same way.

I know you saying but i really like this person, Is there anything I can do to change them ?

Here's where the problem comes. All you want is to make this relationship work because you're so into them but ask yourself what are they really doing? Are they putting in the effort? Because all I see here is a one sided relationship. You are the one putting in all this effort while this person is just drowning themselves in their past and trauma and they want to bring you down with them. 

It all comes down to you now. Do you want to be the person who tries to change them only to be the one who changes at the end. Emotional unavailable people are not available not because they don't love you but its because they have been through something or trauma that has made them what they are today. Its not that they don't value you, they just feel comfortable in their pain. They are comfortable with the way things are for them.

Or do you want to be the person who waits for him or her to get their shit together? If you want to wait, then be prepared to accept the fact that this is the type of relationship you will be in, Willing to still accept this person even three years to come , because the painful truth is that the results at the end of the tunnel might just end up to be the same. You cant keep boiling waiter and majani and expect to have milk tea. Staying and hoping things will change is just waiting for disappointment

 Once you get out of the denial-acceptance stage, you will feel so much lighter and you will understand the path you have to take . Leaving can be hard, it will be painful but temporary and the more you stay, the more likely you are to get just as damaged as he or she is.

The cycle is the same, you get cheated on then you bring your insecurities to your next perfect relationship, who instead messes up his next relationship because they always feel like they are accused of something, carrying the weight of what you did and also in turn brings all that negativity to the next relationship...….Its a never ending cycle. When does it stop? This same person you think is cold and heartless was once just a light hearted, happy person , holding on and praying until they were too broken and went into self destruct mode.

Waiting might be a good gesture, because we never want to give up on someone we love. Just thinking that MAYBE they will realize that they have a diamond and they want to change or MAYBE they will realize that its their behavior that's making everyone they love to walk away and they change or MAYBE they decide to deal with the unprocessed pain but this is just a lot of MAYBE'S but maybe they will never change, maybe they will never see you as the diamond you are or maybe they will never deal with their trauma so its up to you to decide what you want to do at the end. You can only help those who want to help themselves.